Posts by Good JW

30

Annoying jws

by Jrjw in

jw
friends

a 'concerned' jw in my congregation rang me earlier and said she's noticed my daughter sits miserable at the meetings and said she's a right miserable girl in general.

i said she's happy and hyper when she's not at the meetings they're just really boring and she doesn't want to be there.

apparently i'm a bad parent coz she feels that way.

@Jrjw - I work with a lady just like yourself, and have a similar nature myself (even though being male). The thing you have to realise is that you DO have rights (this is not wrong or prideful/unchristian/selfish), and it's not unkind to draw boundaries for people (show where the line is without resorting to anger/malice etc). Don't make the mistake that "our type" always do and get confused between niceness and others constantly getting something from you (in this case, the woman is thriving on power). There are limits, and believe it or not, Jesus himself said so:

"Be innocent as doves, but cautious as snakes".

Of course, Jesus wanted people to be loving, but at the same time he knew the state of humanity - that given the chance some people (too many) will exploit what they see as "weakness". Hence the advice to be cautious, or in other words, have your wits about you - become more aware of the situation in an unbiased way (not automatically assuming that others will give the exact same decent courtesy to yourself).

This change in perception will take time, and at first it will feel wrong, but ultimately if you care about other people's feelings (i.e. our nature, the sensing types), then you HAVE to look after yourself first otherwise you'll be so sick and fed up you no longer have the emotional energy for others. This involves not feeling like some second class citizen who has to oblige all the time to other people.

Understand that you have the power to change this situation; not exactly how others behave, but how you let it affect you. In this case, I'd go for disfellowshipping the nosey sister from your life. Believe it or not, she may reflect upon how she's been behaving....and if not, she wasn't a true friend anyway. You don't need people like that in your life.

76

Hi, all...I'm a faithful JW who is sick of lies about us

by James Donalds in

i was baptized 30 years ago and have been in the faith for over 35 years.. our organization isn't perfect.

but i'm sick to death of seeing stereotypes about us.

we are not mindless automatons.

Good JW

@punkofnice - I considered ignoring the trolling OP, however, decided to get something off my chest instead lol.

76

Hi, all...I'm a faithful JW who is sick of lies about us

by James Donalds in

i was baptized 30 years ago and have been in the faith for over 35 years.. our organization isn't perfect.

but i'm sick to death of seeing stereotypes about us.

we are not mindless automatons.

Good JW

Talk about a slap in the face to all those honest JWs who got booted and shunned for silly things (some of which they themselves confessed out of guilt). One ex brother I know got disfellowshipped when 16 for smoking and has had nothing but emotional turmoil ever since (family made him feel like crap and didn't speak to him, friends deserted him as some sort of "disappointment" and "contaminant" etc). His life's a mess.

My fleshly brother got grilled by the elders for the same thing last year (smoking was a symptom of other issues, long story); they would have disfellowshipped him if he hadn't quit. He was treated like some sort of criminal! If I didn't stress that it was real life and part of the JW culture people on the outside would have thought this story was a joke/made up, especially as my brother's very meek/mild and has never been in any trouble before. As per usual, it's the ex JWs on the outside and other "worldly people" in "Satan's system" who're left to pick up the pieces of Watchtower's "waste" (i.e. human beings who need help).

So cheers James for rubbing that sort of thing in their faces with your lukewarm loyalty in "God's organisation", finding the loopholes and enjoying being off the radar.

16

Intro

by jc1985 in

jw
friends

hello all, many years i have been lurking on this site.

gradually i’ve learned the real truth, gone from serving as a servant and at bethel to inactive for almost a year, barely ever wasting time going to meetings.

my family is large and very active and so is my wife’s so leaving altogether is difficult.. though it seems now that everything is about to change.

Good JW

JC1985 - sorry to hear about your wife etc. It's tough when you don't know what's ahead, but before long you'll be grounded again and having a life! Honestly, I'd say the first 2-3 years properly out the org was the hardest because you're in a state of limbo - not really knowing where your "home" is and not feeling connected to anyone. Once that phase of grief is out of the way you'll be surprised at how lost and alone you once felt, and how at one time everything looked hopeless. You'll be glad to hear it's definitely not bleak, you just need to have patience in letting the story play out.

I remember going through euphoric phases, followed by darker ones (very up and down). Nowadays I'm very happy and look forward to the future with excitement (kind of like as a kid). The thing that got to me when leaving was the social life of a JW - I generally felt pretty well connected. Initially I felt that something was missing - that interaction and belonging to something greater (not just in a friendly sense, but religiously/spiritually too). Nowadays I don't even feel that anymore; have made connections with plenty of other people (took a while to start trusting). It's like gradually coming out of a cocoon lol. One thing needs to be shed before you can go to the next stage, and often you don't know what's coming and how much it contributes to inner change. Much of the time you're learning a lot about yourself, there's a great learning curve (bigger than most have to endure).

22

What Do You Do if the Household Does Not Celebrate?

by BluesBrother in

jw
friends

it is christmas morning ....the weather outside looks cold grey and dismal (typical britain in winter ) the house is quiet as my wife gets on with something.

.... the street is silent, as dead as the grave.

the tv is full of the purile nonsense that fills airtime this time of year .

Good JW

@BluesBrother - Yes the grass is always greener on the other side. I decided not to think like that anymore and make the most of what I have. It sucks to be "in-between", not feeling like you belong (or limbo as some have described), but all I can do now is laugh at the situation and appreciate the peculiar nature of social customs/culture (sometimes very silly and illogical, but that's human nature). I try to look ahead and not kid myself. You know, some people may try to fake it, getting into a "Christmas spirit", but it's just not natural for me growing up in the org. I've come to the conclusion that I'm not going to be something that I'm not, no more pretending/pressure to conform (had enough of that in the org).

Looking forward to Christmas being just between my wife and me - and kids when the time is right. We put children off for some time for the sake of getting our lives/mind to level/balance (4-5 years outside the org now and starting to feel normalacy again!). There's consolation knowing that we can allow our children to feel part of the "magical" nature of Christmas etc, so they won't feel abnormal or uneasy. I do miss my JW family, but thankfully they are starting to warm to me again - at the start they were still pretty fearful of "apostate contamination". So little by little I can get some socialisation back with people I can relate to, all excpept the religion aspect (which I now accept).

By the way, yesturday went alright thanks! Better than expected. It was tiring but nothing over the top, pretty relaxed atmosphere. It makes you appreciate family more though, and "family" are not only relatives, which sadly in my case the in-laws and I are like chalk and cheese lol. Even though I no longer have my JW beliefs, I still find myself relating to the JWs in many things, and appreciating their nature (especially the ones I grew up with). In that respect I clearly see both sides of the coin and can confidently say to any inbetween ex JWs that life which is completely free from WT is the same sh*t but a different pile haha. That's not to sound negative, just a bit of realism, which hopefully can contribute towards improving one's emotional health (i.e. no brooding over what we don't have because of unrealistic expectations, but rather, making the most of what we do).

22

What Do You Do if the Household Does Not Celebrate?

by BluesBrother in

jw
friends

it is christmas morning ....the weather outside looks cold grey and dismal (typical britain in winter ) the house is quiet as my wife gets on with something.

.... the street is silent, as dead as the grave.

the tv is full of the purile nonsense that fills airtime this time of year .

Good JW

BluesBrother, you have my sympathies!

Although, it could be worse, you could have a "worldly wife" with the extended "worldly family" all coming round for the Christmas meal, a JW blood family (so no close family on my side)...and have to cater for the in-laws who hate each other - all together on a tense day pretending to be happy (i.e. awkward silences, one drunken stepfather whom you literally exchanged fists with one New Year).

Think I'll get the TV schedule ready and pray that nobody strangles anyone :)

Sincerely, from the Highlands in Scotland

16

Find Local Friends

by BiggerRed in

jw
friends

i am located in kentucky.

i have faded out of the watchtower and i am just learning the truth about the truth.

i am trying to find new friends to talk to.

Good JW

Hello BiggerRed I'm sorry to hear about your troubles - it's hard adjusting. May I make a suggestion? I would not see this situation as you having to "save" your wife; otherwise if it didn't work out the way you hoped it will only put a strain on the relationship between her and your kids. As hard as it sounds, you may have to learn to let it go and accept this religion as just "that thing" (put it in box that doesn't irritate you, which comes with time). In a sense, the religion is not just an annoying "virus" - it kind of defines a person (their tastes, their desires etc). So as much as one can relate it to high control groups (fear/guilt/shame/manipulation etc), it also has other flavours that cannot just be brushed away as worthless. If you respect these parts, BUT at the same time, express your view tactfully (as some have suggested, drip feed) then it will be kinder on your family, and most importantly, on yourself. Take care of your own emotions first, then the rest (relationships etc) will fall into place.

Whatever method you chose, I wish you well on your journey! It's not easy but there's definitely light at the end of the tunnel.

PS - I made my screen-name some years ago, so as you may have guessed I'm not exactly the model JW anymore :)

12

The Most Unforgettable Character I Ever Met

by TerryWalstrom in

jw
friends

the most unforgettable man i ever met(by telly walstrom).

this man was a walking contradiction.

he violated every sensible rule of human interaction which might lead to success--especially as a salesman.unthinkable!preposterous!now here is what you must know.philip moh was ugly to look at.

Good JW

I think it's a slippery slope to be in the frame of mind of questioning people's motives - it only tends to undermine our own convictions and ultimately can bite us in the backside since we start to see kindness etc as futile (over analysing it).

Far better to err on the side of "gullible" than mostly mistrusting others (which erodes your motivation for doing good).

12

The Most Unforgettable Character I Ever Met

by TerryWalstrom in

jw
friends

the most unforgettable man i ever met(by telly walstrom).

this man was a walking contradiction.

he violated every sensible rule of human interaction which might lead to success--especially as a salesman.unthinkable!preposterous!now here is what you must know.philip moh was ugly to look at.

Good JW

Hello Telly, great article - really makes you think! Thanks for sharing.

I would say that the purpose of life is to strive for goodness, or should I say, grow into goodness/love ("you must accordingly be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect"). There's a kind of spark in every single person (who hasn't snuffed it out through constant pursuit of evil) which seeks to express itself in some form or another. Your mentor Philip merely exploited (in a perfectly reasonable way) this human trait. That "feeling" inside every person is itching to get out if it's allowed (if one "becomes like this child to enter the kingdom of God"), and when another person draws attention to it, it is received with joy. This faith in love that people have (but cannot put words to it) is what makes life worthwhile; every path a person takes for a higher purpose will be something related to a loving expression.

Regarding the statement "people want to hear good things about themselves"; it's not so much about just the ego/pride - in a spiritual sense, to be cognisant of one's morality can and should result in a healthy amount of self respect....which in turn will lead to more of these positive (selfless) behaviours. Ironically, to be proud of something you've achieved in a spiritual sense will not lead to being puffed up, rather, it will help one to continue the path. Another person bringing attention to it helps to bring clarity to this all important mission of life (i.e.to grow in love, to really know Jehovah).

Why do people want to become JWs? Many reasons obviously, but one of the basic ones - in life you are only truly "living" when you are growing - becoming better than you were yesterday. Living the Truth entails challenges, it entails constant reminders of one's religious duties (or more accurately, privileges) etc....thus rather than shrinking back to a life of mediocrity, it encourages the character to develop (not stand still). To stand out as different in a world where you are constantly told to "not be hard on yourself" appeals to those who don't want to just settle for average. Life is not about settling, it's a constant "playground" of activity and life lessons. To neglect one's spiritual need is like running out of gas (or petrol as we say in Scotland lol). Spirituality is about growth, constant change and development/improvement (whereby you benefit those around you) - it is that which brings real satisfaction/joy.

14

Apostate Definition

by turtleturtle in

can someone tell me what is meant by apostates being:.

"persons who deliberately spread (stubbornly hold to and speak about) teachings contrary to bible truth as taught by jehovah's witnesses" .

at what point is someone meeting this criteria.

Good JW

I had my elders "shepherding" call the other week, it all came out. It's all about the manner in which you express yourself, and especially if you talk about it to other JW members.

Apostasy to the elders only really comes under their radar if someone approaches them with concern about what you've talked about. That's when it's considered "apostasy" (creating contention in the congregation).

The apostacy comes in many forms - obviously the biblical version (questioning Jesus etc), and then the societies version of questioning the GB.

The elders will try to determine whether you believe that God is directing the organisation (in other words, whether the GB are blessed and God’s organisation on earth today). That was asked to me THREE times, and I kept dancing around it (saying stuff like I’m not sure yet, haven’t made up my mind etc).

At the end of the call, they wanted reassurance that I would not talk about my “doubts” to other Witnesses. That’s the key part (and the deciding factor of whether you get disfellowshiped for it). A letter to the society would be another form of “talking about it” (or “disassociating” yourself).